Crackin' Good Start

I am stooooopid.

I was taking the injections for 4 days and following the 500 calorie diet to a T, then realized on the morning of day 5, Saturday, that the HCG liquid needed to be refrigerated. And I had not popped that sucker into the Frigidaire. Oh, Leah.

I had lost 6 pounds at that point. Awesome.

I decided to eat like normal on Saturday and Sunday (especially since it was Easter weekend). The following Monday I contacted the clinic and informed them of my little fubar and was informed that it was most likely not effective. Aha. So that's why I was starving the entire time.

I got a prescription for the spray and picked it up that afternoon and restarted with one binge day, followed by the normal diet.

Oh look, no more stomach growling. Yay!

I am now on day 3 of the restart and I'm down to 198. I started the Exciting Rollercoaster at 202, down to 196, back up to 200 on Tuesday morning, and down to 198.

I'm drinking my gallon of water a day, plenty of chamomile tea, and eating all my vegetables.

Onward ho!

Cleanse Day 2

I have decided to commandeer this blog to document my Journey with HCG. I'm currently on day 2 of the pre-cleansing, courtesy of Arbonne, although I'm certain any type of cleanse would do.

I have 12 more days of the cleanse, then I'll be plunging into the world of HCG and 500 calorie daily intakes. Crapola. That just sounds a little terrifying, especially for a boredom and comfort eater like me.

I'll make sure to update regularly in all my diet cranky glory to give the most realistic view of how it all works.

So, today, I've finished off the first dose of the cleanse left over from yesterday. I know, stellar start already... I've eaten pretty crappily. I'll be sure to work on that tomorrow.

As part of the program, I go to the wellness center to fill a water jug with Kangen water. It's supposed to alkalize your body, which is....good I suppose. I'll have to do more research on that to find out exactly why. For now, I'm just following what the lovely ladies with the Bioidentical Chemical knowledge tell me to do.

So. There you have it. Day 2. Aaaaand, curtain.

"I was considering biting you when the pain was the worst." "I know, I saw you. Don't think I wouldn't have bitten back..."

I'm tattooed!

After a month of researching, pondering and praying (hee), I went under the needle for my very first and only (well, we'll see about that) TATTOO!

After seeing my friend Day's tattoo 'refreshing' over a month ago, being up close to the needles and the blood, I thought to myself NEVER WOULD I MAR MY BODY THAT STUPIDLY. Then the next day all I could think about were the different tattoos I would never be getting. After drawing up the most fabulous design of a tattoo that would never be, I decided that it would be sacrilege to waste my first creative shot at tattoo design and asked Sterling to ink me up.

www.sterlingmodifications.com

His site can be seen here. Pretty graphic pictures, but you get the gist of what he can do. I'm posting his link despite the lack of next morning phone call after giving a girl the MOST INTENSE night of her life only because I know I have at best 3 readers. Heh.

So, the Saturday of Pain comes after many days of stressing over the sheer moronicy of what I had decided to do, and Day comes with me to Southern Thunder to hold my hand and keep me liquored up. Sterling had told us that in no uncertain terms should I be soused, but we could bring some beers since I was the last appointment and he had a private back room. (Dirty!)

He showed me the stencil he had made from my design and after I nitpicked over a few details, we were ready to go. I taped my nipples to keep some sense of decorum and Day joined me so I wouldn't feel like such a nipple dork. Sterling transferred the stencil on and I LOVED IT! All worries flew like my sobriety as I chugged another sprite and citrus vodka to prepare for the pain.

MY GOD THE PAIN.

I don't remember much of the actual tattooing due to being in a hyperventilated state most of the time. I do remember Day yelping when I'd squeeze her hand too tightly and Sterling yelling at me to keep breathing when I'd stop completely from the shock of the pain. I was so tempted to bite the arm that was puncturing me, but decided I wanted an intact design more.

After an excruciating 45 minutes UNDER THE KNIFE (needle, whatever, it was pointy) I was the proud owner of the Prettiest Tattoo In The World. :)

We promptly all went to my house to celebrate with beer, Texas teas and Reservoir Dogs. I was on such a high that I kept telling everyone I wanted to punctuate the night by getting a. laid b. drunk till I passed out or c. dancing my ass off. I did manage to accomplish one. I'll just leave it at that.

Thus ends the titillating story of the Girl Who Cried No Tattoo. Stay tuned for the adventure of the Heinous Refreshing if Sterling can convince me to go back in sometime this century!

My poor Mom is convinced she's getting Alzheimers

At my parents' house:

Me: Is there anything to eat? What did y'all have for lunch?
Mom: We sort of had ham sandwiches.
Me: Is there any ham left?
Mom: No, it was smoked turkey.
Me: (cracking up)......so you had turkey sandwiches.......
Mom: That was the 'sort of' part.

I've been blessed with 'The Mom Disease' as we term it in my family. There's a word for losing word recall abilities, but of course I can't remember it now.

Did you ever see the Simpsons episode where due to a tape mixup Homer 'smartens up' by listening to vocabulary tapes, instead of the weight loss tapes he had ordered. And then when he stops using them because he hasn't lost weight, he reverts back to his previous idiocy.

Homer: I need a thing to eat the ice cream...
Lisa: A spoon, dad?
Homer: That's it!

Sigh. I feel like a skinnier Homer on my bad days.

What to say, what to say.

What to say indeed!

I've spent the past two weeks noting things that happen and things said that would make good blogging material, but when you don't write it down, it fades away into something not quite so amusing later. Like when you're about to fall asleep and you come up with the fantastic-est joke or the answer to world peace, but in the morning you realize that donut holes popped back into the donut aren't funny or an answer to anything.

So, I'll just list any and all accomplishments of the week:

* Managed to down 15 drinks over 6 hours last Friday night without getting sick.....almost.
* Gained 3 pounds. Yay for hops and barley!
* Lost 3 pounds. Yay for puking my guts out!
* Hooked up a friend with my "aw, he's cute, why don't YOU go for him" roommate. Go Day!
* Finally tired out Codigirl the Wonder Doggie by giving up on jogging her and instead, rollerbladed her puppy buns off.
* Became the class role model in Bellydancing for having fangasmic hip action.
* Went salsa dancing with a random guy from Event Marketing 1910.
* Got closer to solidifying the design for my tattoo. Yep, you heard me. If y'all are nice, I'll even show you pictures of before, during (in all my whining and crying glory), and after (red and bleeding even, you lucky kids!).

Time for bed. I've had a rough week with all the drinking and almost-ing and whatnot.

Night.

Look! I have curls! 

Like Anyone Even Reads the Titles

Sheesh. You create a blog just so you can post a comment, and people actually expect you to POST something.....

That said, Woot! My first comment! And from a stranger too! Now I just need to alert friends and family to The Blog and maybe I'll get more comments. Betcha they'd be picky about the 'no post' epidemic too.

Truth is, I wanted to write something profound for my first post. Since nothing in my head smacks of profundity, I'll just make something up and promise better lines to come.

--- I just learned tonight that my curtains are sheer enough to see through at night! Maybe that would explain the lack of eye contact from my neighbors......---

So, dear reader(s), bookmark me and I'll so come through with the profoundness in posts to come. Hah.

First Post